So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
