he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize