i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he high fived his dick after we had sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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