and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
