i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
