So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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