my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
