I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
