ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
