Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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