I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
