Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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