Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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