I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
