I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
