Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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