i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
