im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
