I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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