I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
