Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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