I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
