just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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