Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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