I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
