Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
