My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
