ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
