A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
