I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
