im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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