i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
