So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
