just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
