Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
