As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
