New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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