I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
