i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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