Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize