They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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