hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
