3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
