A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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