Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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