if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
