I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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