five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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