His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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