Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
