he laminated a picture of his dick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
