I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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