Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
