uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just pynch a tree in the face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My feet surprised me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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