Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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