Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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