My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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