Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
