I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
