This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
