I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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