please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize