Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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