I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
