There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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