come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
