i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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