We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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